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Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Some Good Sleep News
The last time I wrote about our slumber struggles, I was sleeping with Sarah most of the night and she was fighting naps. I'm happy to report that I am now in my own bed most nights, and, after two straight weeks of no naps, Sarah has succombed yesterday and today (How else would I be able to write this?). It's been a long, trying couple of weeks (a two-year-old that's been up for 8 hours is no fun, let alone 14), but I don't think we could have made the progress we have without that pain.
Once Sarah decided not to nap, or even stay in bed to rest, I took advantage of her exhaustion at the end of the day and started putting her to bed and leaving the room instead of staying with her until she was asleep. The advice I'd read said when the child gets up to lead her back to bed quietly and calmly; she'll do this a few times then give up because it's not any fun. They don't know Sarah.
The first night, I walked her back to her room 28 times before she finally lacked the strength to get back up and promptly passed out. The second night, she made the trip 65 times before succombing. I'm not kidding. The third night, we were at 33 when I realized that she thought this was just a new way of going to bed -- walk until you collapse. At that point, I put her in bed and told her if she got up again, I'd close the door. She got up once more, and I held the doorknob. I let her scream for a minute then put her back in bed and left. She was asleep in about two minutes.
Since then, I've put her to bed and told her to stay there or I'll close the door. She usually gets up once a night, but once the door gets closed, she gets the message and is snoozing in a few minutes. It's pure bliss for Mom. Since she now goes to bed alone, she has also remembered how to put herself back to sleep when she wakes at night. I had to let her cry for a few minutes a couple of nights (after tucking her back in), but she now goes back to sleep on her own and I return to my bed. Hallelujah!
While no naps made the bedtime transition easier, it took a toll on all of us. Sarah has been sleep-deprived and extremely difficult. She wasn't sleeping any longer at night, so she was getting only 9-10 hours of sleep a day, when she should get about 13. I scoured the Internet for ideas to help, but nothing worked. I finally decided to try a sticker chart, since it was a big hit with potty training.
Sarah doesn't respond that well to discipline (can you say, "stubborn"?), but she likes incentive programs. When we started potty training a few weeks ago, we weren't having any luck getting her to poop in the potty, until we offered two M&Ms as a reward. She now goes multiple times a day. I swear she plans for the maximum candy haul.
For "Project Nap," I drew a chart made of 10 steps, like a staircase, and numbered the steps. I bought some Elmo stickers (Sarah loves Elmo, although she has never watched him on TV -- what does that say about the power of marketing?) and told her she would get a sticker every day. When she gets five stickers (five steps), she'll get a new can of Play-Doh. Five more, another can, etc.
My original plan was to get her to just stay in bed for a minute, then add to the time each day until she was lying down for 30 minutes. I figured if she could lie still that long, she'd likely fall asleep. That plan blew up in my face the first day, when she refused to stay in bed even for a second. To say I was discouraged is an understatement. She still wanted her sticker, though. I don't think she understood the deal.
Back to the drawing board, and the Internet for more ideas. Yesterday, I got into bed with Sarah and read books for a few minutes, then got her to lie down with me (even that was a struggle). I sang our bedtime song (My Favorite Things) over and over while she thrashed around fighting sleep, as usual. Finally, after 15 minutes, and who-knows-how-many refrains, she closed her eyes and was asleep soon after.
When she got up 90 minutes later, I made a big deal out of giving her the sticker. She was thrilled but then asked for the Play-Doh. I explained that she needed to take four more naps and get four more stickers to get the Play-Doh. She seemed to understand and proceeded to explain the whole deal to Dada when he came upstairs.
So, today we headed to bed, covered ourselves up with her comforter, and read some books. When we were done, she balked a bit at lying down, but when I reminded her of the pay-off, she grabbed her stuffed dog and lay with me while I sang. She was asleep in about five minutes! I've learned not to proclaim victory too soon when it comes to Sarah, but, boy, am I hopeful. Once she commits to something, there's little that can stop her. My next challenge is getting her to sleep past 5:30 a.m....
Once Sarah decided not to nap, or even stay in bed to rest, I took advantage of her exhaustion at the end of the day and started putting her to bed and leaving the room instead of staying with her until she was asleep. The advice I'd read said when the child gets up to lead her back to bed quietly and calmly; she'll do this a few times then give up because it's not any fun. They don't know Sarah.
The first night, I walked her back to her room 28 times before she finally lacked the strength to get back up and promptly passed out. The second night, she made the trip 65 times before succombing. I'm not kidding. The third night, we were at 33 when I realized that she thought this was just a new way of going to bed -- walk until you collapse. At that point, I put her in bed and told her if she got up again, I'd close the door. She got up once more, and I held the doorknob. I let her scream for a minute then put her back in bed and left. She was asleep in about two minutes.
Since then, I've put her to bed and told her to stay there or I'll close the door. She usually gets up once a night, but once the door gets closed, she gets the message and is snoozing in a few minutes. It's pure bliss for Mom. Since she now goes to bed alone, she has also remembered how to put herself back to sleep when she wakes at night. I had to let her cry for a few minutes a couple of nights (after tucking her back in), but she now goes back to sleep on her own and I return to my bed. Hallelujah!
While no naps made the bedtime transition easier, it took a toll on all of us. Sarah has been sleep-deprived and extremely difficult. She wasn't sleeping any longer at night, so she was getting only 9-10 hours of sleep a day, when she should get about 13. I scoured the Internet for ideas to help, but nothing worked. I finally decided to try a sticker chart, since it was a big hit with potty training.
Sarah doesn't respond that well to discipline (can you say, "stubborn"?), but she likes incentive programs. When we started potty training a few weeks ago, we weren't having any luck getting her to poop in the potty, until we offered two M&Ms as a reward. She now goes multiple times a day. I swear she plans for the maximum candy haul.
For "Project Nap," I drew a chart made of 10 steps, like a staircase, and numbered the steps. I bought some Elmo stickers (Sarah loves Elmo, although she has never watched him on TV -- what does that say about the power of marketing?) and told her she would get a sticker every day. When she gets five stickers (five steps), she'll get a new can of Play-Doh. Five more, another can, etc.
My original plan was to get her to just stay in bed for a minute, then add to the time each day until she was lying down for 30 minutes. I figured if she could lie still that long, she'd likely fall asleep. That plan blew up in my face the first day, when she refused to stay in bed even for a second. To say I was discouraged is an understatement. She still wanted her sticker, though. I don't think she understood the deal.
Back to the drawing board, and the Internet for more ideas. Yesterday, I got into bed with Sarah and read books for a few minutes, then got her to lie down with me (even that was a struggle). I sang our bedtime song (My Favorite Things) over and over while she thrashed around fighting sleep, as usual. Finally, after 15 minutes, and who-knows-how-many refrains, she closed her eyes and was asleep soon after.
When she got up 90 minutes later, I made a big deal out of giving her the sticker. She was thrilled but then asked for the Play-Doh. I explained that she needed to take four more naps and get four more stickers to get the Play-Doh. She seemed to understand and proceeded to explain the whole deal to Dada when he came upstairs.
So, today we headed to bed, covered ourselves up with her comforter, and read some books. When we were done, she balked a bit at lying down, but when I reminded her of the pay-off, she grabbed her stuffed dog and lay with me while I sang. She was asleep in about five minutes! I've learned not to proclaim victory too soon when it comes to Sarah, but, boy, am I hopeful. Once she commits to something, there's little that can stop her. My next challenge is getting her to sleep past 5:30 a.m....
Friday, November 26, 2010
A Quiet Thanksgiving at Home
With our extended families at least a few hours away, Don and I have spent most of our Thanksgivings at home, just the two of us. Last year, we flew to M*ssachusetts to be with my family, and it was the first time most of them met Sarah. This year, we'll be going back East for New Year's, so it was the three of us here. We had a fairly simple meal, with all of the requisite side dishes (which, for me, are whole cranberry sauce, butternut squash, peas, and pearl onions -- love the taste and the colors!). At the last minute on Wednesday, I made three mini apple pies with the last of the apples from our trees. The crust was tough, but they were yummy anyway!
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| Sarah and Mom in the kitchen (I think Sarah can cook as well as I can!) |
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| Dad and Sarah checking the turkey |
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| We have so much to be thankful for! |
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| Sarah with her Tiffany plate and cup (thanks, Uncle Bill and Jane!) and special silver (thanks, Grammy!) |
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| It looks as though she had a well-rounded meal, but she ate only the turkey and biscuit. |
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| Dad had the great idea to go for a walk after dinner. It was 18 degrees and windy! |
Friday, November 19, 2010
On the Road
Last week, we drove to the Tw*n Cities to visit Grandma, Grandpa, Big Sister Rachel and her fiance Matt, and the zoo for the first time! It was a busy two days, and we all had a great time. Sarah loved the C*mo Park Zoo; it's a nice little "starter" zoo. I can't imagine how amazing it must be to see the real animals after looking at pictures in books for so long. I think she liked the giraffes the best -- there were two mamas with babies (aged three months and six weeks).
Two days later, we drove to W*unakee to visit Big Sister Emily, Omar, and Sophia. It was great fun watching Sarah and Sophia interact (not a whole lot of cooperative play yet, but they did well overall). The cutest moment was when Sophia was crying about some injustice and Sarah offered her a tissue. I found it relaxing to be in a childproof environment with four adults supervising, although it is a little tricky refereeing toddler disagreements. Then there was Emily's cooking, which is always a treat! Unfortunately, we took only one photo -- too relaxed, I guess.
Friday, November 5, 2010
So Much for Childproofing
Under the new, relaxed, nap regime, if Sarah won't go to sleep, I put the childgate in her doorway and tell her she has to play quietly for a while. At least I get a bit of a break. I, of course, was sure that her room was safe for unsupervised activity.
I just released her from confinement and went over to turn off the floor lamp by her rocking chair, only to find a bare screw where the knob had been. She's fascinated with screwing and unscrewing the tops of containers these days and obviously practiced a little on the lamp.
With unwelcome thoughts of finding the errant piece in her diaper tomorrow, I turned and asked her where the knob was. She proudly reached into her jeans pocket (also a relatively new habit) and produced her prize. Whew! Guess I'll have to take it with me from now on.
I just released her from confinement and went over to turn off the floor lamp by her rocking chair, only to find a bare screw where the knob had been. She's fascinated with screwing and unscrewing the tops of containers these days and obviously practiced a little on the lamp.
With unwelcome thoughts of finding the errant piece in her diaper tomorrow, I turned and asked her where the knob was. She proudly reached into her jeans pocket (also a relatively new habit) and produced her prize. Whew! Guess I'll have to take it with me from now on.
Adopted, The Movie
Don and I watched Adopted, The Movie the other night. It's a documentary with two tracks: 1) a Korean adoptee in her early 30s who is struggling with her identity, and 2) an American couple who is adopting a baby from China.
The Korean woman's story was heart-wrenching. Jenny was adopted by her white parents in the 1970s. South Korea was one of the first countries to establish an international adoption program. Most adoptive parents of that era listened to their hearts -- treating their children as if they were biological, avoiding the topic of adoption, and downplaying any differences. Unfortunately, it produced some adult adoptees, including Jenny, who feel resentful, insecure, and out-of-place, even in their own families.
Jenny is a successful college graduate (the first in her family) who, in all outward appearance, has her life together. Inside, though, she tries to come to grips with her story. She recounts the pain of growing up in a community where she was the only person of color and the victim of racist jokes. Wanting to be a good daughter, she held her feelings inside and took on a sunny, life-of-the-party, "pleaser" personality, masking her confusion and hurt. Even now, she speaks to her parents in baby talk.
Jenny finally reaches out to her adoptive parents for help and receives only defensiveness and anger. Although they did the best they knew how and she is only looking for some compassion and understanding, they can't seem to give it. To complicate matters, her mother is dying of brain cancer. It's painful to watch the story unfold, and the ending is anything but happy, although there is a glimmer of hope.
The film left me feeling somewhat selfish for adopting Sarah, which is ironic since many people think Don and I are some kind of saints for what we did. I'm not saying it was wrong to bring Sarah to the U.S. and give her a better life than she probably would have had in China; I'm just saying that it was not a selfless act and it will affect her both positively and negatively in years to come. Because of our actions, she may never feel as though she completely belongs to any cultural group. It's our responsibility to do what we can to help her come to peace with her mixed identity.
I can understand how easy it would be to raise Sarah as if she were white, because when I look at her, I see only my daughter. Most of the time, it doesn't cross my mind that she is of a different race. I've heard that it isn't until kids reach preschool age that they become aware of racial differences. Sarah already realizes that we have different colored eyes and hair, though. When we look at the ABC book I made her, she now pauses at "F," points to her foster mom, then points to me and says, "Mama." It's confusing for her, but I know she's starting to put together the pieces of her story.
I'm thankful for the Korean adoptees like Jenny who are speaking out about their experiences and what they wish their adoptive parents had done to help them feel more at home in their own skin. I can learn from them and try to do better by Sarah. We need to celebrate our differences and incorporate Sarah's native culture into our lives. She may be the only one who's Chinese, but we are a transracial family, and we all need to embrace her birth culture.
Thankfully, we live in an area with a substantial Asian population (mostly Hmong), so Sarah doesn't stand out as much as she might elsewhere. She certainly tends to draw attention, though, which, although it's been only positive so far, is not necessarily comfortable for her or me. Believe it or not, sometimes I'd rather people didn't make such a big deal of how cute she is, and I think she might feel the same way at some point (if she doesn't already). As any celebrity will tell you, going unnoticed has its merits. I'm thankful for the local Chinese association that has welcomed us so warmly. I think it's good for all three of us to spend time in situations where Caucasians are the minority.
The scenes of the couple adopting from China were mostly fun to watch, since they brought back happy memories of our journey to Sarah. I found a few comments concerning, though, especially when juxtaposed with the Korean adoptee's feelings. For example, "She attached to [my husband] within the first three days, but it took more than a week for her to attach to me." Attachment is a long process, requiring a year or more. She likely meant "bonded," which is a much weaker connection. Perhaps she's unclear on the distinction because she "got a few books on attachment -- read most of one and skimmed the others." It's alarming to see someone so unprepared in this day and age, when the importance of attachment is well-understood.
Seeing this film would be a great way to celebrate National Adoption Month (which happens to be November). It will open your eyes to the challenges transracial families face and the effects on the adoptee. I'm not saying the bad outweighs the good, just that it is there and should be acknowledged and addressed.
The Korean woman's story was heart-wrenching. Jenny was adopted by her white parents in the 1970s. South Korea was one of the first countries to establish an international adoption program. Most adoptive parents of that era listened to their hearts -- treating their children as if they were biological, avoiding the topic of adoption, and downplaying any differences. Unfortunately, it produced some adult adoptees, including Jenny, who feel resentful, insecure, and out-of-place, even in their own families.
Jenny is a successful college graduate (the first in her family) who, in all outward appearance, has her life together. Inside, though, she tries to come to grips with her story. She recounts the pain of growing up in a community where she was the only person of color and the victim of racist jokes. Wanting to be a good daughter, she held her feelings inside and took on a sunny, life-of-the-party, "pleaser" personality, masking her confusion and hurt. Even now, she speaks to her parents in baby talk.
Jenny finally reaches out to her adoptive parents for help and receives only defensiveness and anger. Although they did the best they knew how and she is only looking for some compassion and understanding, they can't seem to give it. To complicate matters, her mother is dying of brain cancer. It's painful to watch the story unfold, and the ending is anything but happy, although there is a glimmer of hope.
The film left me feeling somewhat selfish for adopting Sarah, which is ironic since many people think Don and I are some kind of saints for what we did. I'm not saying it was wrong to bring Sarah to the U.S. and give her a better life than she probably would have had in China; I'm just saying that it was not a selfless act and it will affect her both positively and negatively in years to come. Because of our actions, she may never feel as though she completely belongs to any cultural group. It's our responsibility to do what we can to help her come to peace with her mixed identity.
I can understand how easy it would be to raise Sarah as if she were white, because when I look at her, I see only my daughter. Most of the time, it doesn't cross my mind that she is of a different race. I've heard that it isn't until kids reach preschool age that they become aware of racial differences. Sarah already realizes that we have different colored eyes and hair, though. When we look at the ABC book I made her, she now pauses at "F," points to her foster mom, then points to me and says, "Mama." It's confusing for her, but I know she's starting to put together the pieces of her story.
I'm thankful for the Korean adoptees like Jenny who are speaking out about their experiences and what they wish their adoptive parents had done to help them feel more at home in their own skin. I can learn from them and try to do better by Sarah. We need to celebrate our differences and incorporate Sarah's native culture into our lives. She may be the only one who's Chinese, but we are a transracial family, and we all need to embrace her birth culture.
Thankfully, we live in an area with a substantial Asian population (mostly Hmong), so Sarah doesn't stand out as much as she might elsewhere. She certainly tends to draw attention, though, which, although it's been only positive so far, is not necessarily comfortable for her or me. Believe it or not, sometimes I'd rather people didn't make such a big deal of how cute she is, and I think she might feel the same way at some point (if she doesn't already). As any celebrity will tell you, going unnoticed has its merits. I'm thankful for the local Chinese association that has welcomed us so warmly. I think it's good for all three of us to spend time in situations where Caucasians are the minority.
The scenes of the couple adopting from China were mostly fun to watch, since they brought back happy memories of our journey to Sarah. I found a few comments concerning, though, especially when juxtaposed with the Korean adoptee's feelings. For example, "She attached to [my husband] within the first three days, but it took more than a week for her to attach to me." Attachment is a long process, requiring a year or more. She likely meant "bonded," which is a much weaker connection. Perhaps she's unclear on the distinction because she "got a few books on attachment -- read most of one and skimmed the others." It's alarming to see someone so unprepared in this day and age, when the importance of attachment is well-understood.
Seeing this film would be a great way to celebrate National Adoption Month (which happens to be November). It will open your eyes to the challenges transracial families face and the effects on the adoptee. I'm not saying the bad outweighs the good, just that it is there and should be acknowledged and addressed.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Meow...I Mean, Trick or Treat!
Sarah was a kitty this year, because I found an adorable cat costume at a garage sale (I'm going to savor this simple time, when I can choose her outfit based on expediency and she doesn't complain). She loves it and has been wearing it around the house for weeks. Sometimes she just drags it around, rubbing the fuzzy tail against her cheek.
She got to wear it to storytime at the library on Wednesday and again last night. I thought she might be uncooperative once Trick or Treat time arrived, but she was excited to put it on. We visited three neighbors' houses, and though she was shy at the doors, she obviously thought the payoff was worth it and kept asking for "more" each time we left a house. When we returned home, she excitedly showed Daddy her haul.
Of course, Mom restricted her to sharing a snack-size Nestle Crunch bar last night, and some of her loot went to Montana with Daddy this morning. That's right, Sarah and I are on our own again for a week while Don and Cadi hunt pheasants. We've got a lot of social events planned, so I hope that will minimize the degree to which we get on each other's nerves. So far, Sarah behaves very well in public. I'm sure the clock is ticking on that....
She got to wear it to storytime at the library on Wednesday and again last night. I thought she might be uncooperative once Trick or Treat time arrived, but she was excited to put it on. We visited three neighbors' houses, and though she was shy at the doors, she obviously thought the payoff was worth it and kept asking for "more" each time we left a house. When we returned home, she excitedly showed Daddy her haul.
Of course, Mom restricted her to sharing a snack-size Nestle Crunch bar last night, and some of her loot went to Montana with Daddy this morning. That's right, Sarah and I are on our own again for a week while Don and Cadi hunt pheasants. We've got a lot of social events planned, so I hope that will minimize the degree to which we get on each other's nerves. So far, Sarah behaves very well in public. I'm sure the clock is ticking on that....
(I can't seem to upload any more photos right now. I'll try to add more later.)
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