Sarah still treasures her routines, but she's increasingly flexible these days. I can push up her sleeves to wash hands. I can hang up the wash cloth after bath. I can put the cover on the Cheerios container. These sound like inconsequential things, but when added up over the course of the day, they matter, believe me.
She still has her irrational moments, but they are relatively fleeting now. We no longer live in fear of her spiraling into a fullblown meltdown. She cries and tells us she's mad, and then she usually moves on.
Although she's mellowed a lot, she still feels the need to control her world, and I think this is due to her personal history, not her age. She's developed a new coping mechanism: when she's upset about not getting her way, she often insists that I put my hair behind my ears. I think this is a last-ditch effort to gain control. I'm somewhat torn about how to respond to this. Sometimes I comply, to give her comfort. Others, I push back, telling her that she doesn't have to be in charge; Mama and Dada are and we'll take care of her. I try to show her that she can let go and everything will be okay.
Much of Sarah's defiance seems to have melted away, also, thank goodness. Lately, she's concerned about Don's and my approval. When she's misbehaving and we start to lose our patience, she'll say, "Mama/Dada mad" and often do what she's supposed to. She then announces, "Mama/Dada happy." This is a great relief to me. I worried at times that her lack of regard for our feelings was an attachment issue, but I guess it was more of a toddler issue after all.
Sarah's becoming more affectionate and offers hugs and kisses (to us and her stuffed animals) more readily now. She's always been attached to us in the non-clinical sense, wanting to be held and played with, but she hasn't been what I'd call cuddly. I get the feeling that she has moved to a new emotional stage with us and is developing what's called "secure attachment" in adoption lingo.
Her favorite game to play with Don these days is "Whose Baby Are You?" He'll rough-house with her and demand, "Whose baby are you?" to which she'll respond, "Mama's baby!" He acts indignant, shakes her up a bit, and asks again. She keeps answering, "Mama's baby!" laughing harder and harder until finally relenting and saying, "Dada's baby!" I had her in stitches after dinner last night, when I picked up Sophie the Cat and asked whose cat she was, to which Sophie replied, of course, "Mama's cat!"
Sarah sounds a lot like Max and Oliver. Max has always been one who needs to see things a thousand times before he is brave enough to try it, or to realize that it's safe to pursue. He knew a bunch of signs as a baby, and he was reluctant to give them up in order to speak. However, once he would try something, he usually loved it and would head into it full steam ahead. Oliver is our stubborn one. Six months ago, we were also not able to do the inconsequential things, such as get his hands wet when washing them, touch him with our cold hands, hang towels on the oven door, etc...Oliver also seems to need to have control over his world, and it appears that Oliver and Sarah are two peas in a pod in this area of their life. My coping mechanism has been a lot of coffee and deep breathing exercises!
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