She Loves Me!

Sarah and I have spent quite a bit of time without Don lately.  First, we were in Mass. for six days, then he went up north fishing this weekend.  In the last few days, I've noticed our bond growing tighter.  We both seem more relaxed and willing to cut each other some slack, so to speak.  She is less clingy, but more affectionate.  I feel less controlling and more patient.  Our relationship is deepening. 

For the last few days, when I say, "I love you Sarah," she responds with "Mama."  I interpret this as saying "I love you" in the only way she can right now.  When we're in her room, she'll climb onto the bed where I sometimes sleep, lay her head down, and pat the bed for me to lie down beside her.  She then cuddles up and giggles.

Her sense of humor is emerging.  Friday night, I was feeding her pasta.  For some reason, she must have thought it tasted like fish at first, because she signed "Fish?"  I said, "No, pasta."  She asked again after the next bite, and I said, "No, it's pasta, silly."  She proceeded to ask after each piece, with a steadily growing twinkle in her eye.  She was quite pleased with her little joke.

Sarah came to us nine months ago today.  She was scared, but she bravely gave us a chance to prove our love.  She could have shut down her emotions when faced with such trauma.  Instead, she let us into her heart and began to trust us.  In fact, I think she trusted my love before I trusted hers. 

I have been vigilant since Day 1, watching for signs that she has attached to me.  It may be more accurate to say that I've watched for signs that she hasn't attached to me.  I could have gone through a field of daisies playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not."  I'm sorry to admit that many times I've acted like a jealous lover, judging whether she is drawn more to Don or to me.  I'm not proud of it, and I've fought it, but I've felt it.  I wonder if she's felt it, too, and has questioned my motives.

Today, I'm declaring that Sarah loves me, and I'm banishing from my mind all thoughts to the contrary.  Our relationship still has a lot of growing to do, but I'm confident that we will be as close as a mother and daughter can be.  I'm grateful to both her and Don for their patience with me as I worked through this.  I am one lucky wife and mother.